Police officer Durnstun was puzzled when he arrived on the crime scene on Tuesday. Two dead bodies were surrounded by a series of space aged metal tubes and a strange liquid. After being told by CSI that the liquid was blood he stopped trying to dip his doughnut in it but was immediately distracted by and interesting piece of evidence as he leaned over the what he assumed had been an unconscious man. The silly drunk had obviously passed out and fell, but he saw that there were holes in him. He wondered why anyone would put a piercing in the center of their forehead but then saw that it went right through the brain. After remembering his discussion with his doctor last week he knew people needed a brain to live. Although the doctor had called him “brainless” his pry for more information on what a brain was led him to the discovery that one needed it to live and breath. Drunstun loved to breath, through his mouth his nose, and sometimes he exhaled from other places.
Officer considers alien abductions
The space aged tubes that were too small to contain anything of use must have been from some higher form of technology. He deduced that aliens would therefore be the culprit of the faulty piercing that caused these men to become so unresponsive that they had to be put in large bags for delivery to the hospital. The strange holes had been placed all over the men, leading him to believe that they were also second rate body piercers.
Recession on other planets
After pouring over the case files and waking up from the nap at his desk he had a revelation. The wily detective figured out that if the aliens were entering into a position that teenagers performed at the local mall they may have been undergoing some sort of recession on their planet. With more humans than ever now in danger of losing their livelihoods to alien invaders, he set out to enforcing the licensure of these illegally performed bod mods. Those bastards would regret what they had done. At press time detective Durnstun was told that they had caught the perpetrators and went back to sleep before he had to clock out in three hours.