The 5 stages of cat

The first stage: Uber adorable

The kitten is the darling of the animal kingdom. It’s tiny paws and irresistible meow makes any heart melt. When you see one you want to hold it in your arms and never let it go. The kitten is arguably the most popular pet in the world.


Second stage: kitty Olympics

This is the stage in your cat’s life when they are testing their feline abilities. They will jump onto anything they can, including your furniture and counters. In this stage the best time for them to do sprints for kitty training is four in the morning when you’re trying to sleep. If you find them on top of your refrigerator, don’t worry this is common and the heights they climb are part of the popular kitty triathlon. Which is running, climbing, and a yarn toss.


Third stage: If I fits I sits

Your cat needs nothing other than a box or bag to entertain themselves. In this stage they test their ability to become a living liquid and fit into anything they can. Be sure to help them out if the get stuck, but please take photos first.


Stage four: Danger!

The stages of a cat

Your Kitty’s claws are now becoming it’s weapon. They can bat at their prey or defend themselves with their vicious nails, but mostly they will be used to ruin your couch. You can have them de-clawed but this is inhumane and can lead to lack of interest in scratching things.


The fifth stage: human intolerance

Eventually your cat will hate you. Not in the same way a human will hate another human, they will simply not tolerate your humanly ways. Your drinks will find the floor, the computer will be their new seat, and they will generally avoid you. Don’t worry it’s just a phase, they won’t avoid your cuddles for long.


The last stage: NO

The stages of a cat

You will not get your cat to sit, to stay, or make eye contact with you. Should your cat grace you with its presence you should be thankful and craft effigies of them. The cat is wise and knows it can purr and you will feed it, but if you touch them the wrong way, or say something offensive (they are easily offended) there will be a resounding NO. No for pets, no cuddling, and no meows for you. This snubbing stage wears off to give way to the best stage of all! Lazy kitty, which is a stage for cuddling up in your bed with you to find them in the morning. Lazy kitty stage also includes climbing on your shoulders for their lack of desire to walk around themselves.

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Blake is a writer who specializes in content writing and novel-length fiction.

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